One month into my sabbatical
I didn’t realize that I’d be taking a sabbatical so early in my career. I decided to call my career break a “sabbatical” to make my explanation more efficient. I’m in the midst of moving to a new country where I will working at the same firm that I worked for in the US. Life sorta forced me into a sabbatical. It wasn’t my choice, but it became something I didn’t know I needed.
I had so many plans for this sabbatical. Even before my last day of working, I was planning everything. I wanted this period to be very productive. My to-do list looked somewhat like:
Finish my two certifications.
Help my friend with his nonprofit.
Cook more. Make a sourdough starter again, and this time, keep it alive.
Go on a hike every other day.
Write on this blog and write my book. Trying to be published before I turn 30!
Expand my platform on Instagram. Create more content. I even got a ring light..
Train for a triathlon.
Catch the sunrise or the sunset outside every day.
Read a ton of books.
Walk and listen to a podcast every morning.
I was so worried that I’d have nothing to do. I made strides to tick off a few things above, haphazardly. My first month on sabbatical was more like:
Sleeping a lot.
Plowed through Sex and the City. I feel like Carrie writing her column.
Kept doing laundry. When does it end? I hate folding. No one talks about how much laundry you have when you have an active lifestyle.
Reading what I wrote above made it seem like I accomplished nothing in a month, which is completely false. I’ve been using my time productively every day. I’ve managed to achieve some of my goals, including the ones above. However, I learned to just go with the flow and be a little less rigid. A little less corporate. Throughout my career, I’ve learned to use every minute productively. I’m in an industry where joining a Microsoft Teams call at 10:01 prompted an “I’m sorry I’m late” apology. I can’t find the right words to describe it, but I felt like my default is to keep pushing and hustling and achieving goals and testing my limits. I didn’t even realize I burnt out. I spent my first week sleeping for about 16 hours a day. I’m not even kidding. You may think I’m a bum, but I so needed that. Before I stopped working, I was attending a daily 4:30 AM work call. I didn’t think I was burnt out, but the body keeps score. My body forced me to sleep those hours.
To get through some hard times, I started running a few months ago. I’ve been logging a lot of miles and running some races. Then, it became a numbers game. Suddenly, I was starting to track my pace down to the seconds. Suddenly, my friends and I were comparing heart rate zones. Suddenly, it became competitive. I started to fall out of love with it. I quickly acknowledged this and made the active choice (and commitment) to keep loving it. Love isn’t just a feeling, right? I reminded myself of why I choose to run. It is so easy to fixate on the calories burnt, personal records, and miles per week. But don’t forget to enjoy it. Don’t forget the “why”.
I also fell in love with swimming. I got myself a swim coach to help me with my form and to prepare for a triathlon. Prior to swim training, I couldn’t do four strokes without stopping. Someone once told me I couldn’t be a swimmer because it was his thing and because I didn’t have the right body for it. That, my friends, is one of my greatest motivations. Suck it!
I’ve been spending so much time alone and found so much comfort in my own company. It even reached the point that I started to shut people out. In your lifetime, you will be spending time with yourself the most. You’ve gotta learn to love it. I realized many things about myself. I don’t like to snack; I prefer bigger meals. I have an assorted box of snacks from Costco that has been sitting in my cupboard since July. Barely touched. I think they’ve expired. I also learned I hate circuit workouts. I downloaded Alive, a workout app, because of its positive reviews. Nope, not for me. I love Whitney Simmons, but my leg day doesn’t need to have 64 exercises. I also learned to embrace and explore my faith openly. I identify as a non-denominational Christian. I love going to Church on Sundays. It’s my meditation.
Ooh, here’s some tea. I went on a date unexpectedly. I never really know when it’s a date, but I also understand that it’s not always going to be labeled as a date explicitly. I’m just going to assume this was one. I was talking to one of my best friends about this man. So charming, knows his way with words, and actively works on himself. A breath of fresh air. I was sleuthing through his Spotify account and found that he listens to podcasts about love and relationships. So attractive. By the way, he willingly sent his Spotify. I’m not a stalker! My best friend reminded me that people come into our lives for a reason. Oftentimes, we just can’t see the reason now. There’s always a reason or a learning.
After the end of my last relationship that felt like a divorce, I went into a hyper-independent phase. An “I can buy myself flowers (*cue Miley Cyrus*)” phase. Although I think we want different things, this man came into my life to teach me that I’m worth opening car doors for. And that I’m worthy of his time. Or that I’m worthy of a partner who will help me reach my goals. Thank you for helping me with my swimming freestyle form. I’m pretty sure I looked like a monk seal, but thank you for making me feel beautiful regardless. Yes, I can open the car door myself, but it was so darn nice to feel like a princess. Hand me a tiara. I’m learning how to tap into my feminine energy again. Oh, I’ve missed feeling giddy about receiving a text and getting excited about when I’ll see someone next. I don’t go on dates often, but that was a lovely experience.
With that, I learned how much I value commitment. I’ve had a lot of people come and go, so I’d like one that chooses to stay. I was also reminded of how much I love banter. Dear future husband, I joke a lot and expect you to fire back with solid responses. That is a non-negotiable.
Along with all of that, I’ve been slowly coming to terms with leaving Hawaii, which has been incredibly difficult for me. If I were to choose my fate, I wouldn’t leave Hawaii. This place feels more like home than the actual home I grew up in. I wake up each day feeling so grateful for the aloha I have in my heart being here in Hawaii. Although this chapter is coming to a close real soon, I know I’ll find my way back home.
